I do not have a Human Right Campaign equality sticker on my car. You've seen them around, I'm sure. They're the little yellow equals sign on the blue background. If I could find a red equals sign on a black background, I would have one on my car. But let's face it, blue and yellow would clash with my black car. Yeah, I'm shallow.
But I also do support the cause of same sex marriage. You should read this excellent article before you finish reading mine: http://muirnin.wordpress.com/2011/10/03/haakellot/
David makes a lot of amazing points. His reasoning for not supporting marriage is unassailable. However, I also find much of it irrelevant. While I'm certain he will disagree with me, and is the more likely of us to be correct, here is why I feel this way.
Marriage has historically been a matter of legal contracts and subjugation of women. However, traditional marriage is already dead and it wasn't "the gays" the killed it. I've seen weddings performed during both sky- and scuba-diving. I've seen Klingon weddings and later this year a friend of mine is having a pirate wedding that I will watch via webcast. My cousin married a strong woman whom I wouldn't dare cross swords with and she kept her damn name. Perhaps nobody felt like it was safe to ask her to do anything else.
David is correct to point out all the symbolism that he is appropriately scornful of. Straight couples are changing quite a lot of that symbolism these days and therefore, I don't find it important.
I am a straight man. I am also single and will be the rest of my life. There is no reason I should have the ability to marry and a same-sex couple in love cannot. When I see two people in love, that is all I see, just two people and love. The marriage contract grants the legal rights we provide to those who have made that lifetime commitment to one another. The marriage ceremony is how they choose to express that commitment and love.
To David and my many homosexual friends and to those of you I don't know but might read this in any case: I'm not going to give up on my efforts to see equality in my lifetime. You deserve all the legal and ceremonial recognition of your love for another. I agree that traditional marriage is traditionally distasteful. But do what the straights are doing and create your own traditions.
Aaaarrrgh! (Admit it, the pirate thing is a good idea)
I don't know that I'm necessarily scornful of the symbolism in traditional marriage. I'm just frustrated that we bandy them around as a culture with very little understanding of their meanings - and symbolism is nothing without context. And yes, symbols change; and sometimes they change without anyone agreeing on their new meaning. Which is why I agree 100% with your call for gays to create their own traditions. Good fucking god, with all the creative brainpower that is supposedly in the gay community, I'd think we could come up with something.
ReplyDeleteOne question though - are you not marrying out of solidarity, or as a personal decision? Because if it's out of solidarity, I say "Thanks, but don't be an idiot." Your support is much appreciated and I wish that there were more gestures like that from the straight community; but if you find someone who makes you happy, go for it! That's what this is all about, right?
Oh. I'm not getting married 'cause I can't find a girl who won't stab me awake in the morning. I've had some truly awful relationships and am now doing my best to avoid them.
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